May 7, 2013
Erik and I are celebrating 5 years of marriage at the end of the month! We are excited, we have learned a ton in being married and we are so excited to share some of the things we have learned.
After you say I do, marriage begins.
No one tells you that first night as man and wife you need to decide what side of the bed you are going to sleep on for the rest of your life. Sleeping next to someone is very different than sleeping alone, no amount of pillows, dogs or cats could prepare you for it. You do not know weather your spouse is a “volter/twitcher” and just imagine your spouse cuddled next to you and your sound asleep and they spasm/ volt/ twitch that it startles you out of your sleep into a sheer panic cause it was not expected. You could also marry someone who is a cuddler and you may not be a cuddler and need your own air space to fall asleep.
So if your one of these people here is some solutions:
1. Start sleeping together with pillows or a board in the bed, get use to the idea of someone else in the bed first before you go straight in for the cuddling.
2. Get use to the leg, side and just being next to someone
3. Learn the tuck and roll– great for people who need their own space but satisfies the cuddler
Now that you got the great advise on the sleeping arrangements, time to discuss food arrangements. Do you like the same foods, will things you cook he or she will never eat? I found when dating or even engaged not all of these things are discussed. So a little nugget of information that will help loads of fights.
1. Ask if they liked the meal, give it a ranking of Ramon to (awesome food of your choice, ours is Chipotle) and when they say hey its ramon you know if they like it or not without saying you suck. Women are sensitive and some men are too, we don’t like our man telling us if they think our cooking sucks but when we ask they should be truthful and to soften the blow having it said it was more like Ramon is far better than I didn’t like it. And then you can ask how you can improve it and such.
2. Tell each other foods you hate, make a list. And tell them why. Some restaurants maybe out because they will never like it.
3. Figure out who cooks and who shops, or if you want to do it together. Men always want to know where the next meal is coming from- they just want to know. So let them know, if your cooking it, he is cooking it, you guys are going out. It makes life so much easier
Okay now we sort of touched this a bit, but cooking can be a chore. You never know what assumptions the other person has on who is going to do what chore. For example: Laundry, dishes, cooking, bathrooms.
All need to be discussed and assigned, else frustrations and fights will happen. Talk about and change it up. If for whatever reason you want to criticizer how your spouse is doing whatever chore, you get to do it. Because no one needs to have someone critique how they do a chore.
Okay after talking about varies topics I have mentioned fighting. … this is a big one. Rules of fighting.
1. Don’t bring up the past from Doug Weiss conference. Its fighting dirty- you said this, blah blah.
2. Don’t use “never, ever, always… absolutes”
3. Always confirm your love for each other ” I love you, I am committed to you, I will not leave you, I am eager and willing to work with you” Its great way to stop fights.
Okay, the next topic is about money, expenses… To keep a marriage strong…. Finances.
1. Dave Ramsey
2. complete Dave Ramsey and life would be amazing. Wish we started from the moment we got married. But if you know what is going in and going out.